Why I don't want to be a dog

The gauntlet has been thrown down. I've been asked if there is any reason that it is better to be a human than a dog who lives only to eat, sleep and chase things.

Obviously there are many reasons why not, most of which are associated with work, stress, money and my regard for the opinions of others. There are also some of the icky jobs associated with dog ownership - such as 'poo patrol', giving dogs pills and cleaning up vomit. But there are also reasons why it is good to be human. I had to think for a very long time, but... (In no particular order):

1. I wasn't de-sexed at 6 months old.
2. I get a greater range of choice in my food selection - not everything has to come either tinned, dried, raw, or leftover bits of someone else's food.
3. I get to shower in warm water when I want to, rather than cold water in the backyard when someone else wants to. Humans dry faster, too.
4. I don't get left behind when my family go on holidays.
5. My temperature can be taken orally.
6. I get to eat chocolate. Real chocolate, not the dog stuff.
7. I get to sleep in a bed in a nice, warm house - rather than the cold garage.
8. I don't have to lick myself (In fact, it is physically impossible for me to do so).
9. I don't have to put up with people talking 'baby talk' at me.
10. My ears work all the time, they don't turn off just because I saw a cat (or a motorbike, or a trailer, or another dog, or a horse, etc).
11. I am not likely to be mistreated, surrendered to the pound, or put down just because nobody can be bothered with me anymore.
12. I'm not forced to make the impossible choice as to whether I most want to roll in or eat the manure I just found in the garden.

However, of all these reasons I think the chocolate is enough to tip over the scales for me. The LBD would also agree. He would really like some chocolate at any time I'm eating it. The chance of him getting any of it?

... Approximately None