Sunday, August 17, 2008

Why I don't want to be a dog

The gauntlet has been thrown down. I've been asked if there is any reason that it is better to be a human than a dog who lives only to eat, sleep and chase things.

Obviously there are many reasons why not, most of which are associated with work, stress, money and my regard for the opinions of others. There are also some of the icky jobs associated with dog ownership - such as 'poo patrol', giving dogs pills and cleaning up vomit. But there are also reasons why it is good to be human. I had to think for a very long time, but... (In no particular order):
  1. I wasn't de-sexed at 6 months old.
  2. I get a greater range of choice in my food selection - not everything has to come either tinned, dried, raw, or leftover bits of someone else's food.
  3. I get to shower in warm water when I want to, rather than cold water in the backyard when someone else wants to. Humans dry faster, too.
  4. I don't get left behind when my family go on holidays.
  5. My temperature can be taken orally.
  6. I get to eat chocolate. Real chocolate, not the dog stuff.
  7. I get to sleep in a bed in a nice, warm house - rather than the cold garage.
  8. I don't have to lick myself (In fact, it is physically impossible for me to do so).
  9. I don't have to put up with people talking 'baby talk' at me.
  10. My ears work all the time, they don't turn off just because I saw a cat (or a motorbike, or a trailer, or another dog, or a horse, etc).
  11. I am not likely to be mistreated, surrendered to the pound, or put down just because nobody can be bothered with me anymore.
  12. I'm not forced to make the impossible choice as to whether I most want to roll in or eat the manure I just found in the garden.

However, of all these reasons I think the chocolate is enough to tip over the scales for me. The LBD would also agree. He would really like some chocolate at any time I'm eating it. The chance of him getting any of it?
... Approximately None


Givinya De Elba said...

Thanks for that list. I'm cures of thinking that dogs' lives are better than mine. My temperature being able to be take orally was enough for me. Actually, not being desexed at 6 months of age was all it would have taken.

Allegro ma non troppo said...

People often mention that they envy the life of baby - just eating, sleeping, being pushed around in a pram and generally having others attend to them.

I like to point out that they may get their wish if they live to be 90, or dive into a shallow pool.

Allegro ma non troppo said...

Oops - did I just publish an unflattering picture of you on my blog?

Swift Jan said...

LOL @ crazy sister!

The chocolate was enough for me also!

That & the temperature also... hehe

Leslie said...

You've got a cute dog there! :)

Femina said...

But on the other hand if someone annoys you, as a human you can only go for the metaphorical jugular. Still, the oral temperature thing is pretty convincing.

Dee said...

I will admit that in my younger days I actually ate a dog chocolate, it was nice enough too.

Love your list.

Joce said...

Top stuff Jen, made me giggle. Though I'm not so sure about the turning off ears comment, I know a few people who are rather skilled at that!! ;)

June Saville said...

Haven't you ever heard of a chocoholic dog Jen? Where have you been?

Louisa Claire said...

I love that you actually went to the trouble of writing a list. Who exactly threw this 'gauntlet' down?? Just love it!! but must confess that it's not the chocolate that would bother me the most about being a dog...though it would be high on the list ;)

Hippomanic Jen said...

Anyone wondering where the inspiration for this post came from. My previous post involved photos of what my dog was doing while I was working. Givinya challenged me in the comments to come up with any reasons why it wouldn't be good to be a dog and the rest is history!

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