Oooh, Threat!

I received an email notice from my Internet Service Provider letting me know that this month I'm coming close to my monthly download limit (too many downloads of articles and ebooks for study perhaps?) and unless I want to go to a more expensive plan, my connection speed will be reduced...

... to twice the speed I was getting last night.

How worried am I?

Never use an iPad on your desk

I was working on a major technological feat, trying to change settings on my iPad to get it to download my emails, which would have been much simpler had I remembered that I have an entirely different password for my email account than every other vaguely technological thing that I do.

As I was working through the process, I needed to delete some characters so that I could replace them with the correct ones.

For some reason it wasn't working.

But I did delete half a dozen emails from my computer.

The chance that I wasn't trying to use my computer keyboard to make changes on my iPad?

...Hmmm.

If Apple were really smart, they'd have a thingamy in the keyboard that could recognise which screen you are looking at, and adjust the input location accordingly.

Possibly not a usual response

It is wonderful to have access to the internet!

Last Friday, in an effort to chase down why my computer has been getting 'stuck' trying to access sites (particularly secure sites like the Uni - grrrr), I contacted the Apple technical support (91 days after purchase - I bet you can't guess when the free support ran out?!?) - went through everything possible with them until they decided it couldn't be the computer - could I check these few things out with my ISP?

Then much time with my ISP, wherein she couldn't work out what was happening, decided to do a factory reset of the modem, and killed it. After the shops were shut.

It seems that it has been dying by inches, flicking in and out of operational status without the lights indicating it at all. Definitely a case of "the lights are on, but nobody's home." This explains why the fault has been intermittent, and also why things that are bigger to load are more likely to fail. It also explains why my computer had been telling me on odd occasions that I wasn't connected to the internet, then reneging and saying that everything was fine, when I hadn't done a thing.

Saturday morning led me to the main street where I bought a new modem, which didn't work. The didn't work part didn't become obvious until after midday, when the shops are shut. (Yes, you big city dwellers, many shops in regional places shut at noon on a Saturday, and don't reopen until Monday morning. I know, it's a hard world, but we survive.)

So Monday morning, took the modem back, got a refund and the sad news that they don't stock ADSL1 modems anymore, so I couldn't get one.

So off to my favourite computer shop, where they told me that ADSL2+ modems SHOULD work for ADSL1 lines, so I bought another modem and headed home to consult the technical support line for my ISP to get it working.

Monday afternoon and evening I had glorious, effortless, and super-speedy access to the web. Ahhhh! Lovely!

Tuesday morning I turned the computer on, only to find that the new modem was giving me a terrible red light that indicated that I WAS NOT CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET!!!!! ARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! NOT AGAAAAAIN!?!

After turning everything off, checking all the connections, then restarting it only to find that the red light was still on, I was at the end of patience with anything electrical or technological, and about to join the Amish.

With heart sinking, I rang the number for my ISP, to get a recorded message that, "some customers in Queensland may be experiencing lack of connection at this time, we are working to...."

The chance that my relief was out of proportion with the situation?

Love.

This post could be entitled "I need to stop thinking like a Microsoft User".

I was getting sick of my old laptop. It was getting slower and ssllloooooowweeerrr. It was not entirely stable. At 7 years old, I knew that it wasn't impossible that I would need a new computer in the near forseeable and had worked out my game plan for which way I wanted to go.

Sick of Windows and remembering back to my student days when I had a robust and eminently friendly Apple Mac, I decided that it would be the way to go. A bit more expensive, but what you pay in hardware costs you save in software. Mr Swan being particularly generous with his tax refund when I got around to lodging it this year brought replacing a computer into the possible immediately category, which was very nice indeed (and meant that I could get the next one up from the one I initially looked at).

It arrived Thursday morning, just in time for me to get everything operational over the Easter break.

I am constantly amazed at how easy it is to do things.

For one thing, the CD/DVD drive works. Novel concept, I know, but if you put a disk in, the computer will read it. I haven't yet tried to write to a CD, but I'm fairly confident there's a way to make that possible.

I don't need to wrestle with Office programmes anymore. Don't need publisher, because the word-processing and spreadsheet programmes allow you to format very intuitively and not have to wrestle with making the wretched thing do what you want. Unfortunately I keep looking for a hard way to do things (the Windows Way), only to find that it's much easier than that.

JOY!

The only problem is that going from a 15inch laptop screen to the 21.5inch desktop screen is pretty mind-blowing. I almost need to sit half-way across the room. I've gone from having to scroll across webpages to being able to see two at once, side-by-side.

And the keyboard is ridiculously tiny. Based on a laptop keyboard, it is as ridiculously small compared to my old split keyboard and the screen is ridiculously large in comparison with previous.

And the chance that I'll ever find my new wireless keyboard and mouse if my desk gets messy again?

Irony

I had to do some comparison shopping for house and contents insurance today.

Having found a better price by changing companies and some judicious rearrangement of excess and what's covered, I had to give the new company all the details.

I wanted to insure my laptop separately, so had to turn it upside-down in order to read off the model and serial numbers.

I dropped it.

And broke the plastic cover over the hinge on one side.

Chance the existing insurance policy would pay out for an accident that happened while I was arranging insurance with a different company?

(and okay, it wouldn't be covered for such a tiny amount of damage anyway).

Not quite magic.

I've heard a number of friends talk about the fact that they catch up on Google Talk, so I thought I'd install it, then... abracadabra... I'd be able to chat online.

Not quite that simple.

After downloading, then fixing the anti-virus hiccup, then downloading, then establishing a separate gmail account in order to delete the new gmail account in order to register, then entering a couple of friends' addresses so that they exist in Google Talk for me. And now, two days later I haven't found anyone online anyway and so I'm left wondering if:-

a) no-one wants to talk to me, and me not being on Google Talk was a ploy to explain why they were always talking and I wasn't invited

b) their Google Talk doesn't have me listed, so they don't know I'm waiting for them to come on line so that I can talk to them.

c) it is technology. Of course it wasn't going to be simple. What was I thinking?!?

The chances that this post makes me seem anything other than a paranoid technophobe?

... Not going there!

LBD Versus Computer

No. He didn't do anything nasty to my computer.

I was just reflecting. It happens sometimes.

And when I reflect, odd combinations of things end up in the same post.

Computers drive me nuts. They spend all the time I'm not working here at my desk in trying to come up with new ways to stymie me.

And then, when they do what they're told it can drive me nuts because I want it to do what I WANT it to do, not necessarily what I TOLD it to do.

The LBD on the other hand proved on Monday night that he is nothing like a computer.

We had guests for dinner and he was beginning to be a pain. What I wanted him to do was find a spot out of the way and drop and stay there so that our guests could finish their meals in peace.

We have never established the command, "leave these poor people alone, they don't WANT you right now, and by the way, neither do I". Such a command would possibly be a little longer than suggested at dog obedience classes.

We do, however, have access to the command, "on your mat", whereupon the LBD sighs, gets a look of great resignation on his face, and reluctantly heads for the nearest mat. It is also useful at the vets when they want to weigh him.

On Monday he just headed for the corner and dropped down. Not on a mat of any description. He did precisely what I WANTED him to do, but not what I had ASKED him to do.

A better mother than I would have made him get on his mat.

I did not.

There are probably reasons that it is better that we don't have children.

The chance that anyone makes a 'dog' chip for a computer, though?

... Approximately None.

Wanna buy a good second hand congenital heart defect?

I don't know if you do this, but for me when a friend, acquaintance, or someone I love is diagnosed with an illness I get on my computer and Google it to get some basic information so that I know what is going on.

Of course it's dangerous, because it is often the worst case scenario that is presented, without any of the specifics of their particular case. But at least I get a bit more of an idea.

So on hearing a pretty way out diagnosis, I Googled and was working my way through what seemed to be fairly authoritative sites when I noticed a strange thing...

You see, I've often noted that there are sponsored links to the right hand side of the screen.

I've always marvelled that whatever item I'm Googling for, eBay seems to have, but this is ridiculous!

What the?

The chance I'm simply longing to get a Ventricular Septal Defect of my very own (even at bargain prices)?

... Approximately None!!

Short Circuting Keyboard

I've just had the biggest heart attack.

I was sitting here in a glow of finally-finished-the-church-service-for-tomorrow-morning-to-my-(and-hopefully-God's)-satisfaction and checking out some of my favourite blogs when the keyboard started making the strangest electronic short circuiting noises.

No smoke.

No flames.

Just tiny, tinny, crackling noises that sounded precisely like the time I killed the mini sanding machine when I'd almost finished Giggles' rockinghorse.

But it had sparks, and this didn't.

I somewhat hesitantly lifted the keyboard to see what was going on underneath (where the noise was coming from) and discovered a bug on its back slowly spiralling around.

The chances that I wasn't hugely relieved?

... Approximately None!

Grrrrrr...aze

My computer is fussy, and I'm certain is out to stymie me at every opportunity.

Every now and again it decides to put on a go-slow and it can be frustrating when I'm trying to get stuff done in a hurry.

There are a few blogs that are full of pictures that it can take a while to manage, but there is one site that my computer consistently despises. I love checking out Crazy Sister's life over at Graze if you want to, but don't eat dirt. It is one of the few sites that I like to check regularly, even when I'm in a flying rush, but the computer will crash if I rush it at that point. Crazy Sister uses tantilizing post names so that I really must find out what has been happening at her crazy house.

But you see the only way I can actually get there is to click on my side bar, then leave the computer alone and not click on anything with the mouse or keyboard for the next 15-30 minutes. On occasion it will let me go to another program and work, but mostly if I click it will either crash Explorer or freeze the whole computer and I have to start all over again from a soft reset.

If I read the comments (or dare to actually make a comment) and it needs to think, again I must not touch the mouse or keyboard until the screen exhibits total happiness.

This evening I was smart. I often click on Graze before I go out or off to eat, so that it is ready and waiting when I get back. I just got back from church this evening and checked out the few posts I'd missed, then closed it and refreshed my own blog to see if anyone had anything new for me to read.

There was a whole new post on Graze.

A post that hadn't been there when I last hit the link to check it out, therefore wasn't visible on my computer.

What's the chance that I have time to check it out again tonight?

... Approximately None!

So can anyone tell me if the post was any good? Worth the wait?

Dear Miss Manners...

My Mum doesn't have her own blog, but she certainly contributes ideas for mine from time to time.

She is particularly good value for a giggle when it has anything to do with computers.

You see, I'm very impressed with the fact she (who has almost entirely missed the computer age) can read emails and blogs and can buy stuff on eBay. That may be about all she can do, but it's pretty impressive for a woman whom I can remember getting excited about the fact that a personal computer will automatically put the whole word on the next line, without her worrying about how many characters are left and where the hyphen should go according to correct syllabilification (see, I don't even need to know the correct term for how to split up words correctly when you run out of characters in a line of type!)...

This afternoon we were talking about everything under the sun and she was telling a little story about wanting to respond to her sister's email, but that her sister had recently changed email address and Mum could no longer just click on her contact details and generate an email because Dad hadn't updated the contact list.

Apparently my Dad suggested that she could just click on the little button with the word "Reply" and it would go back to the new address from whence her sister's email message had been generated in the first place.

I thought that was entirely logical, but it was at this point that I learned a very important lesson in email etiquette.

According to the wacky world of my Mum it is just plain bad manners to send someone's email back to them with a reply message. In her view it is polite to generate a new, clean message to send back, with none of these strings of previous emailed interaction in the way contaminating it.

And her unregenerate daughter, who has been using email professionally for years, (as well as using the media for catching up with friends) laughed rather immoderately at her prejudice, followed by the request to please allow me to blog that.

How many people in cyberspace share this particular prejudice?

... I'm guessing, maybe, approximately none?

And what are the chances that we got to the point of her story about replying to my aunt's email?

... Approximately None!

I Won the Computer War... sort of...

Sad story, last Thursday morning took my laptop to a function and it wouldn't start up...

or rather, it started up, ended in the Blue Screen of Death for approximately 1.5 seconds, then restarted, and so on...

My favourite computer man has now restored it to me. Thank you Wayne.

I had no idea that I could last 5 days without a computer. I can. How about that!

Even better, how much stuff did I lose?

... Approximately None! Some settings, but that's about it!

Someone's got to go...

When I first started blogging I looked at more established blogs and I thought to myself, "I'm not going to have one of those blogs where I have a blog roll of thousands, that's just too many to keep up with!"

I set an ideal of a maximum of twelve. Fifteen at most. What self-respecting person has time to keep up with more blogs than that?

So I was quite ruthless at first -
* if a site takes too long to download - cull it!
* if a site gets a bit political or technical or sales oriented - cull it!
* if there is background music that keeps starting over everytime you change pages - cull it!
* if they don't update very frequently - cull it!

Then I slowly got sucked into the blogroll's wonderful capability of letting me know when a site has been updated, which means that I don't have to check them to see if they have been. And the fact that I can find the sites that I enjoy easily. And I made friends that I want to keep up with.

And now I'm nearly at 20...

And I can't cull any more...

And there are so many other sites that I want to add...

And sites of people who follow and comment on my blog that I want to check out...

And I can't keep up with them all...

And how many answers are there to my predicament?

... Approximately None. Unless I get ruthless.

It's all Greek to me...

I had a little bit of a surreal moment just now.

I was leaving a quick comment on a blog and must have accidently hit the right combination of keys to turn my keyboard to polytonic Greek characters (I think I need to cut my finger nails, or put on my glasses, or both).

At first I thought my comment looked odd.

Then I recognised the symbols.

Then I deleted the characters and tried again - it was still wrong.

Then I couldn't work out how I'd done it.

Then I had to go digging through my study books to find my list of instructions of how to undo it because I haven't had the need to type out any Greek words for a while.

Swift Jan doesn't know how lucky she is that my ancient Greek textbook was not as buried as I had thought it would be. And that I decided not to leave the gobbledegook there as proof that I am certifiable.

Chance that I could have altered the keyboard without my cheat sheet if I had intended to do it?

... Approximately None.

So My Computer is Not a Morning Person Either

Just so that you know, I'm not blogging. I'm downloading my emails for the day before I get stuck into the housework that didn't get done before Christmas or holidays. The list is so long that I don't think I've got a chance. So I wouldn't be blogging. Too much to do.

While I was waiting for the computer to download the 10 emails (8 of which my computer put straight into the junkmail folder) I couldn't help reflecting that my computer is always so grindingly slow when I first turn it on. This usually results in me flicking the on switch when I get up to row, so that it has warmed up and updated the anti-virus software before I actually need to do anything.

There is nothing worse than a client ringing first thing in the morning and you can't answer the question because your computer is in that early morning grogginess. Particularly when I'm in my early morning grogginess. There's something about the both of us being in morning fog that just doesn't work.

And the chances that it's just my early morning operation of the computer that slows it down?

... Approximately None, of course. Computers are not inanimate objects - they plot against us!

My QWEPTY Keyboard

I don't know if you've ever run into this way of describing keyboards for computers. Generally in Australia we would have what is called a 'QWERTY' keyboard, which relates to the letters that run along the top left hand row. I'm presuming that somewhere in the world there is an alternate standard that has different letters in that position. I could look that up on the net, but frankly, if you're reading this blog you seriously have the time to find out for yourself (and I'm perfectly happy living in the mystery).

My keyboard is different. Firstly it is a split keyboard. I find it more comfortable, and (because I touch-type) it has the added bonus that I can't over-stretch my fingers to hit the wrong key, like 't' instead of 'y' or 'n' instead of 'b'. They are separated by unresponsive plastic.

There's also the fact that I've set up my keyboard to recognise polytonic Greek symbols. I dabble in ancient Greek with all the combinations of accents, graves, breathing marks and the odd circumflex. So with a simple left Alt + Shift I can write in tongues. At an incredibly slow pace.

I noticed this afternoon that I'm going to have some issues if others want to use my computer. It appears that the angle at which some of my fingernails hit the keys has started to chip away at the printed letters. The 'n' is unrecognisable as an English character. The 's' and the 'v' are missing bits. Probably the worst one, though is the 'r'. It has entirely lost one of its legs, resulting in my keyboard having two 'p's. A QWEPTY keyboard, in fact.

There are two facts that mean it won't cramp my style.
1. I touch-type, so rarely look at the letters (I wonder how long it's been like that?)
2. The Greek letter rho (tranliterated 'R') looks like a 'P' anyway.

How much do you want to buy my keyboard right now?
... Approximately None.

You've heard of self-fulfilling prophecy?

OK, so I've got a confession to make...

Last night I noticed that I didn't have too many more downloads to go until my blog reached 1000 site downloads (since I've been recording my traffic and stats). This was very exciting and I really, really wanted to see the 1000 click over.

So in between writing a letter to the local Council (which I may very well blog about once I've cooled down) I kept coming back and refreshing to make certain that I didn't miss the milestone.

I noticed that each time I refreshed another person (or on one occasion two) had viewed the site. This makes sense. Many people check out blogs at night when everything is finished for the evening.

Then I realised that no matter how soon I refreshed again, another person had viewed my blog. Maybe it was me! (Although I'm certain I've fed my own URL into the stat counter so that it doesn't count me)

So I hit refresh again and got to the 1000.

The chance that my site traffic counter is accurate?

... Approximately None.

Xe45mpbvp0

I can't take it anymore!!!!!

I have reasonable eyesight. I often wear glasses when I'm at the computer, but I can still get away without them most of the time. But not necessarily when I'm commenting on a blog and they have that letter recognition code thingy.

I don't like it, but most of the time you can see before you comment that it's required. Mostly it's legible. Sometimes I have to have another go, because the 'l' was actually a 't' with a very tiny cross that I thought was just part of it going around the corner in some weird, twisted fashion.

But I ran across one today that not only had a combination of letters and numbers (What's the difference between a the letter 'O' and a zero in that style of writing?), it was on a very textured background, the letters were sort of chipped AND had strange lines across the whole thing. Worst of all, it was dark grey writing with black lines on varying shades of grey texture. Arrrrggghhh! And it was a secret code, because it only came up after I'd gone to the bother of entering my details and writing a comment.

The blogger obviously wants people to comment. They were featured on a blog recognition and support site. But did they have to make it so hard to do so?

Now I can understand not wanting to get spammed. It hasn't happened to me, but I recognise that some blogs get a little more traffic than mine, and therefore are prime targets for spammers. But I reserve the right not to comment on your blog if you expect me to go cross-eyed and if I haven't got my glasses handy.

How much do I want to offend my bloggy buddies who do choose to protect themselves this way?

... Approximately Not at All - but I needed to have a whinge.

The Return of the Return... please

I am having some formatting woes in Blogger.

Jen, who has mastered Microsoft Word styles; created her own report, letter, fax and other templates; can get by on tables, spreadsheets, layering images to create illustrations for reports, and beat Publisher documents into submission - can't always get a space between paragraphs in Blogger.

The main problem lies with the ALWAYS in that last sentence. Why does it work sometimes and not others? Sometimes, just for variety, it ends up with two lines between paragraphs (or actually one double-spaced line). I've tried using the Enter key at the end of one sentence, and then at the beginning of the next. Doesn't seem to make any difference. I've tried multiple Enter keystrokes. I've resorted to putting small full stops on each line to keep the spacing. I've checked out the 'Help' section of blogger, and it doesn't come up as an issue. There is no friendly formatting button that would allow me to review what is different about how the computer is reading my Enter keystroke.

It seems to be one of those arbitary computer things where there is probably a simple answer and I JUST CAN'T FIND IT!!!!

This does cause me problems. I'm one of those horrible, proof-reading nazis. I've developed these skills over years of producing technical reports. I can spot the accidental double-space, the accidental change of font size or paragraph that's out of alignment. I like my work to be spaced out, not only to look pretty, but to make it really easy to see changes in ideas. It is driving me nuts!

What are the chances that now I have vented my spleen publicly the computer will take the opportunity to never, ever do it again? Thereby causing me to loose face in the daily war 'twixt me and machine?

...Actually quite close to 100%

...Unless it thinks I'm trying to double-bluff it, and reads this blog as an attempt to get it to behave, in which case

...Aproximately None