I am not good at making decisions.
I was awake for a couple of hours last night second-guessing my misguided desire to do more study.
I have always wanted to do more God-related study. I don't know if I really should say "more" because I've really done very little, but I've always thought when I hear of someone studying Theology, "you are so lucky!".
I've finally managed to separate studying theology and becoming a minister in my mind, which means that I can study without feeling guilty if I don't actually do anything with it. I know that I work as a Pastor (which may mean Minister to some of you anyway), but my role has very set boundaries and I'm qualified for the parts of the pastoral work that are in my job description. But I'm feeling that I need more knowledge and some different perspectives to be better at this role, even if I never want to do all the stuff that a regular minister does.
So, a Bachelor of Theology sounds like a wonderful idea and I love the sound of some of the units on offer. BUT 24 subjects is a big committment. I don't see how I could fit more than one subject at a time into my life without neglecting my Beloved, my work, or the state of cleanliness in my abode. This means that for the next 12 years I lose my nights and weekends. Hang on, I already lose nights and weekends in my work. How is that going to work?!
I could knock it off in 6 years if I could manage 2 subjects at a time. But that's a huge comittment of time over a significant period. I don't know how people manage it.
But I'd love to have the opportunity to study.
And the Federal Government will help fund the subjects if I do them as part of a course, rather than picking off one-off subjects. That's very nice of them.
But it is a very long time comittment. I will miss much television. Oh, that's right, there's very little worth watching on it anyway, so maybe not really a sacrifice.
But I want to learn more.
But I like having time to spend hanging out with my Beloved.
But there's some really good units that sound interesting.
But there are weeks when I entirely lose my drive, or I get a cold and don't feel like doing anything much.
And I need to make a decision this weekend if I want to do a subject this coming semester.
The chance that I'm certain about what I should do?
... Approximately None!
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